I’ve talked, in the past, about my mom abandoning my sister and I and that it is something that definitely has a lifelong effect. So, you can understand why (when I first met my husband and before I was walking with Jesus) I would explain, to Him, that I could forgive anything….but abandonment.
Well, our relationship was a kind of whirlwind, we met and from that point forward we were rarely apart (except for work). When we couldn’t be together, because of work schedules, we were typically on the phone.
Then one night, after having had a lovely evening, we said our good nights and made plans to talk in the morning… but in the morning my phone didn’t ring. And, when I called his phone…straight to voice mail.
After several weeks of unanswered calls, more tears than I can count, heart wrenching agony, decimating self examination and loathing. I got angry, then I had to resist the urge to wait for him in the dark, with a baseball bat, because that is who I really was back then.
I did not know The Lord as my personal savior, yet. But I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. And when he didn’t come back I was sure that it was because I was so bad that God wasn’t going to allow that kind of happiness for me.
This all took place in late September, early October, so here come the Holidays! Oh, how I dreaded the thought of being alone on the holidays. Then, on Thanksgiving morning, as I prepared a small Thanksgiving meal, my phone rang. To my shock and amazement, it was HIM! He said “hey darlin!”, I said “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number” (there was no way he was getting a second shot at leaving me again, I thought to myself). He said “no, it’s me!) and I replied “I know who it is and I assure you, you have the wrong number”.
Thankfully he was persistent. His apologies and regret didn’t Heal the deep wounds of abandonment that he had reopened and it took about a month and a half before I agreed to even see him again. We began to start over, but those lingering thoughts of abandonment, crept to the surface every time he didn’t call on time or every time he ran late at work. I honestly wasn’t sure that I would ever truly be able to trust him again.
Then came Jesus!
We were both looking for a church (he wanted one for himself and his children and I just wanted one for my kids, because, remember I thought I was too bad for God to forgive me). And, God is so faithful that we found a church and not just any church, a church in which the Lord was so present that my husband and I and all 5 of our children are now followers of Christ (as well as their spouses), thank you Jesus!
Once I experienced the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, I also experienced healing (He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3), there are no more wounds of abandonment. Once I experienced the forgiveness of Christ, I was able to forgive (not just my husband, but my mom too, thank you Lord!) (Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13). Because of the way that Christ forgave me, I can understand that my husband didn’t set out to hurt me, we were just two broken, sinful people, trying to overcome the injuries of this life and become one. Unfortunately, apart from Christ, there is no healing and that true oneness cannot be found. But with Him, all things are made new! (Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” Revelation 21:5)
You see, once we belong to Christ, we are a new creation. This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. (The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17). He heals our brokenness, He heals our old wounds, He heals our insecurities and fears. He makes us new!
I don’t fear my husband abandoning me, not because he is some perfect christian (although he is perfect to me ; ), I don’t fear abandonment because my God will NEVER leave me…I will never be alone again! (It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8).
I pray that today we would thank our Heavenly Father for the incredible mercy, grace and healing that He poured out, and continues to pour out, on each of us the moment we repented of our sins and gave/give our lives to Christ. I pray that we would understand that we will never be alone again and through Him, we can (through prayer) petition our Heavenly Father to intercede for us, we can lay all of our cares, fears and insecurities at the foot of the cross, because He is faithful and will answer our prayers. (Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7). Let’s trust Him and allow Him to heal those old wounds!
If you have never trusted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, if you have old wounds that need healing, if you have fears, anxieties or insecurities that you can’t over come, I pray that you would go to our Life Preserver page and pray the prayer that is outlined there. Once you have prayed that prayer, please reach out to me at admin@forgiven-n-loved.com and let me know, so that I can be in prayer for you.
Luv Ya!
