As I have mentioned in the past, both of my parents were married four times. Those marriages yielded 9 children. I have 8 siblings. But my mom and dad only had two children. So, seven of my siblings are either half or step-brothers/sisters. We were a “blended” family.
The term “blended” means to mix one substance with another substance so they become a completely different substance and the first two substances are indistinguishable. In most “blended” families, that is NOT the case.
As a result of my parent’s lack of respect for the bonds of marriage, their children lacked respect for the bonds of marriage as well. Only one of our siblings is still with the husband of her youth. She never divorced and has no children outside the bonds of marriage. One of my siblings got it right! Those are TERRIBLE odds. But that is the reality of divorce. It often results in “blended” families.
Most statistics show that children from divorced parents are 35-60% more likely to divorce. In our family, those statistics were much higher!
Now, there are also varying levels of success within the “blended” family.
In some families, one parent oversees and sets rules for their children while the other oversees and has rules for their own children. But they do not disciple in unity. This isn’t a blended family. These are two separate families living under one roof. I cannot believe that these marriages last very long. If there is no unity in the home, how can that marriage succeed? It would seem that this would just be a battle zone, overwhelmed with bitterness and lacking in love and forgiveness. God warns us about the perils of bitterness. “Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” Hebrews 12:15 (NLT).
In other families, the two families attempt to be a unit, but the parents never really discipline or parent as a unit. The parents end up taking sides and fighting with each other over conflicts that the children have or over matters that need to be addressed with a particular child. Again, the statistics for this marriage cannot be great either. These can’t possibly be terribly successful marriages. This is not a blended family. These are two parents who are collaborating, each contributing a portion, but maintaining autonomy. God desires unity for our benefit. “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment” 1 Corinthians 1:10.
Finally, there is the family in which the two families come together and the parents, in unity, parent all children fairly and equitably. It is not going to be perfect. No marriage is going to be perfect. But this type of family, in which unity resides, love and forgiveness, is going to be a little more successful than the other two examples. This is a more blended family. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:13-14.
God never desired divorce for us. He designed marriage to be a beautiful union; one in which the parents form a team, aimed at raising their children to be obedient, loving people who glorify and honor God.
But when the enemy introduced sin to mankind, even marriages were destroyed. The family structure suffered and continues to suffer. As a result, the majority of us are from some form of a blended family.
Fortunately (although God didn’t desire divorce), He did give us an incredible example of what a blended family should look like.
God’s desire is to be a Father to us. “And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me,” Says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:18.
When we ask Jesus Christ to be Lord of our lives, we become children of God. “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. Children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” John 1:11-13.
And all those who are children of God are also siblings in the Lord, having different mothers, but the same Heavenly Father. We are a blended family. And, in this blended family, there is love and there is unity. This love comes directly from our Heavenly Father and through it, we can love Him back. “We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19. It also enables us to love one another. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” 1 John 4:7.
When we ask Jesus to be Lord of our lives and receive forgiveness, God does adopt us into His family. “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him” 1 John 3:1.
God even disciplines us… because He loves us. “And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the LORD’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” Hebrews 12:5-6 (NLT).
This is the perfect example of a blended family. Because it has love… God is love. “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8.
And this family has unity. “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment” 1 Corinthians 1:10.
This family has love for one another. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
The love that the Father has for us that we, in turn, can have for one another, is the best example of a blended family that we will ever have.
If we are not in a blended family, we still have to strive to make our marriages a picture of the Gospel. A marriage of love, honor, unity, and forgiveness.
But, if we are a member of a blended family, is it a “blended” family? Or is God at the center, making it a truly blended family?
Father God, we thank You for Your examples found in Your Holy Word. We thank You that You exhibit true love, true patience, true understanding, true unity, and true forgiveness. We praise You for the picture of what a truly blended family should look like, Father. Forgive us for disregarding Your Word. Please, forgive us for putting our selfish desires, wants, and needs above Your desire for our marriages. Forgive us for putting our desires, wants, and needs before the needs and futures of our spouses and our children.
Lord Jesus, we praise and thank You for the forgiveness that we see and find in You and You alone. Thank You for the sacrifice that You made (for us) that allows us to be called sons and daughters of God. We cannot thank You enough, precious Lord.
Holy Spirit, help us to put our Heavenly Father’s desires, honor, and glory above our personal wants and desires. Help us to put our spouse’s wants and needs ahead of our own. Holy Spirit, help our marriages to be a beautiful example of the Gospel and let it draw those who don’t know You to the Savior. We love You, praise You, and thank You. We pray these things in your precious and holy name, Jesus.
Have you suffered from the pain of being a member of a “blended” family? Do you know the hurt and damage that this can cause? God wants to heal those wounds. He wants to adopt you as one of His very own and beloved children. Please go to our Life Preserver page (https://forgiven-n-loved.com/life-preserver/) and pray the prayer that is outlined on that page. All that is required to be adopted into God’s family is to pray the prayer on that page (or one similar to it), from the bottom of your heart. Once you have prayed that prayer, please reach out to me at Forgiven-N-Loved.com. I’d love to welcome you into the family and to pray with and for you.
Luv Ya!
